HOURS BEFORE SUN UP

 ❤❤❤

I watched the sky get darker unmixed with oblivion, covering the star all over again, reigning as it always did, one little star would pop once in a while but then the clouds were heavier, the shining light dimmed as if the night sky has never needed it. the night becoming a part of the atmosphere as how a knight’s whip becomes part of the horse’s skin. I closed my eyes and tried to see beyond the sky, maybe I could see beyond those clouds, I needed the light so bad that I was losing my breath, I felt like the sky was caving in, suffocating as I gulped trying to catch an ounce of breath. I wondered how long I would yield up the immense shadows I possessed with the blunt and useless swords calling for things and beings who had vanished.

 Dark nimbus clouds hanging low, as if they longed so much to touch the ground, to have a stand, to not just hang in the middle air, it would feel good, to have a say in what you lived, but it isn’t always the case. The clouds grew darker, at the moment I couldn’t even see my shinny nails, either it was too dark or my nails had dug into the ground a little deeper, I always had a tight grip, but now wasn’t the time. I had loved my nails, I had them done a couple of days ago as a way of wanting to be bright but today nothing was cooperating, everything staring so plainly at me, the wind did not whisper its occasional simple songs that I had enjoyed at the beach, either the wind feared the darkness, or it was rejuvenating its strength getting boulder, more fierce than it had been, it reminded me of a whirlwind that occurred when I was six seated outside our house, when I didn’t want to play with my neighbors, I had been scared because they told us that these winds swept you in the middle and nothing could ever bring you back. Maybe the wind had the guts to face these clouds that dimmed the shinning stars of the far south.

 The night was long, longer than I recalled, everything still not even a bark from the stray dogs that always passed by as I watched the moon, may be they were asleep, or maybe scared of walking in the darkness. But I never knew dogs to be scared animals, they were always fierce, loyal and not even the moon failure to come out would make them loose their courage. I once again wished I was ten when dad would call me out at night to show me the different shapes the cloud was taking, at times they made sense to me but then they were just clouds. It was messing with my mind that I wanted a second out of it, I wanted out to wander and be free, to reign and create a little world for myself without feeling timid. To be the queen in the chessboards and to not need the knights guarding the gates. The blackness was meant to show the magic of the moonlight, but the moon had lost, Martin Luther said that only light can drive out darkness. But my eyes had lost sight and the messy thoughts that always popped in lonely nights did it again, surrounded by withering roses whose thorns still pricked, the pain so sharp, tormenting and feasting on my soul all night. Words left unspoken and hope left hanging with the dreams untouched, unfathomed.

 The clouds caved in a little more, a little too more that couldn’t stand, trapping me in that cage that I knew no way out. I wanted to be like the stars on other nights, how they graced the infinite black without beckoning, independent timeless and impossible to budge. I wanted to reach out so much, to all the extensions, the bestial solitude. I wanted to know how they felt like, whether they were a soft cotton that would give me solace or they were just so hollow a reminder of how my core was at the moment or the vast solitary space around me. I peered through but couldn’t make out what was and what not. A sharp breeze across my ear like a whining horse leaving me yearning for more. I needed the sound to make out the words, to get the meaning of all that, for the song to have rhythm, and color to have shades. But all I heard was ‘tomorrow’ which who knows was never destined, an interminable day which had Never begun...